tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4776737030507731603.post2246749300152838831..comments2023-06-13T09:31:09.483-04:00Comments on taupe and lime: on marriageErin Hhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18050148806257114148noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4776737030507731603.post-36970491090696368672011-10-27T09:05:25.457-04:002011-10-27T09:05:25.457-04:00Haha. Of course it doesn't mean I don't w...Haha. Of course it doesn't mean I don't welcome discussion. Really what I meant to do was weed out the "how dare you say marriage is _____, that is the most ridiculous thing ever." and instead, direct the conversation toward, "well, that's interesting, in my experience marriage is ____." Guess it sounded a little defensive?<br /><br />Anyway, I also like that thought, that each decision will either bring you closer together or move you apart. Even seemingly small decisions, like unwillingness to pick up ones clothes off the bedroom floor (ahem, one of the things I do that irritates Kathy, but which I am working on) build up over time into an environment of disrespect, which will drive you apart. <br /><br />I suppose what I meant by easy, though, is that in past relationships, every day has felt like a struggle. Maintaining a sense of self in the midst of the relationship, resisting the urge to roll over and accommodate the other person's needs all the time, setting boundaries, fighting well, all was a struggle. That left me feeling like there was a low hum of effort, effort, effort, all the time. <br /><br />I am surprised at how, in this relationship, there is instead a low hum of joy. The sense of ease, I guess, comes from the feeling of freedom to be who I am without apology (which is not the same thing as allowing yourself not to work through issues - it is a fine line). She is actually amused by my occasional sour moods and the fact that I am emotionally rather high-maintenance. She once said she loves it when I get so cranky, because it makes her feel fond of me. That is not the reaction I typically get to my cranky moods. That kind of easy. Like I am a square peg, but she is a square hole, so it's okay, I don't need to try to round the edges.Erinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09339741585750729440noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4776737030507731603.post-46784821708050300832011-10-26T20:24:37.436-04:002011-10-26T20:24:37.436-04:00I know you said it's your definition... so doe...I know you said it's your definition... so does that mean you don't welcome a discussion? ;) My take is it's NOT easy. Marriage does allow a breathable space because of trust and mutual respect. That space allows for growth and change, but it is not easy in my opinion.<br /><br />One of the best pieces of advice I heard about marriage was at a wedding ceremony of friends of M that I had never met. It was some kind of Lutheran mass. Turns out M wasn't even listening to the homily and missed this great gem. Anyhow, the priest said that every decision you make in a marriage is either one that brings you closer together, or one that takes you further apart. I think of that often.Theresahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02946581448584639195noreply@blogger.com