tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-47767370305077316032024-03-06T00:10:16.111-05:00taupe and limeErin Hhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18050148806257114148noreply@blogger.comBlogger253125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4776737030507731603.post-83425276732859697712012-12-18T12:27:00.002-05:002012-12-18T12:27:43.865-05:00what I like about being stuck at the train stationMy parents are coming for a Christmas visit. This is desired, but always leads to a bit of stress -- the stress of combining busy schedules, plus a holiday, plus houseguests. It led to a conversation between Kathy and me yesterday about how we could better manage the stress of it all. My parents, like most parents, have things they do that annoy their children. They know this. I, like most children, have things I do that annoy my parents. I also know this. Necessarily, this will lead to conflict at some point.<br />
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"You know," Kathy said, "I wish I could just handle it like Diane. She never seems to get ruffled by this stuff. What would Diane say?" <br />
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A few years ago, when B was turning 6, we had a birthday party at our house, which involved renting a pony. This was much less expensive than we thought, and really, what could make a better birthday party than having pony rides in your tiny suburban backyard? NOTHING. We were so excited, we invited Diane to the party, even though she was not a first grader (she was, and is, an adult). She planned to take the train in from New York City, and either Kathy or I would drive down and pick her up before the party. <br />
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Only it started raining, and the pony arrived and made a mess of the backyard, and everyone was clamoring for rides anyway so we had to make garbage bag rain ponchos for 10 six year old kids. And we completely forgot about poor Diane at the train station. She tried calling Kathy's cell phone, but who picks up their phone when there is a pony crapping in the rain in your back yard? She didn't have our address, so she couldn't just take a cab. She was just stuck at the train station. <br />
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<img height="133" id="il_fi" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZcmzsJMaAwrW00-rzKBDSPPTgK_BhvGZCLpVtGC9mqGfnnI7T6B3TFcvCFoqus5xBL6mtkBRpKfQvVqy29_F5SSkj22h7cYhz0J78QOptGXV_RTg87iSGCYKCU_9WKpl6b78YxEZsh2W-/s200/Metro-north.jpg" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="200" /></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">(not our train station, but just try to imagine)</span></div>
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<a name='more'></a>An hour or so later, when the pony was packed up and everyone was eating cake with their we hair dripping all over an old sheet on the floor of the living room, Kathy checked her phone. "OH MY GOD! <em>DIANE!</em>" She called Diane, raced to the train station, and picked up Diane, who was mildly annoyed but mostly unruffled. <br />
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"I just thought, oh, well I'm stuck and it's raining. I have an umbrella, I guess I'll walk around. What I liked about it was that I had some time to relax and go for a walk. I'm glad you came to get me though." Yeah. She was able to say "What I like about being stuck at the train station for an hour is..." Of course we have teased her relentlessly about this over the years. But there is something to it. So I thought more about how it is she is able to have that attitude, and what we could do to apply it to parental visits.<br />
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Upon further reflection, there seem to be two qualities that are important. The first is an ability to set boundaries. The ability to say, "I would totally love to do that for you, but it's just not going to work out this time." In other words, "No." But, you know, more compassionately or something. <br />
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Boundary-setting is especially important, because it sets the foundation for the second quality, which is the ability to accept the situation you find yourself in. If you can set boundaries, you are less likely to build up frustration by constantly finding yourself in situations where you're resentful and annoyed. And honestly, if I could think of two words that sum up my feelings about going to the Macy's in Herald Square during the holidays, it would be "resentful" and "annoyed." <br />
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Anyway, if you set the boundaries in the first place, when something comes up that you truly can't control, you can look a bit more objectively at the situation and say, "Well, what I like about finding myself stuck at the train station in the rain is.... I can finish the chapter I was reading! I have some time for meditation! I can go for a relaxing walk with no goal in mind! I can try out that seedy-looking sports bar across the street!" Whatever it is. <br />
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So, what would Diane say? Originally, I thought maybe she would say "What I like about Macy's at Christmas is..." But in reality, the better answer is probably, "You know, I would love for you to be able to go to Macy's, but I'm personally not that crazy about it. How about we meet by the west entrance in an hour and a half? I'm going to go get a coffee while you shop."Erin Hhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18050148806257114148noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4776737030507731603.post-20489082623000966102012-12-13T16:09:00.001-05:002012-12-13T16:26:28.626-05:00music of the season, from the comfort of your ergomatic desk chairOne thing I love about Christmas is the music, but even I must admit I get a bit sick of it at times. I recently re-discovered this annual compilation of Christmas music by lesser-known artists, which is refreshing when you have listened to the same version of Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree for the 500th time. Below is Vol. 1, but there are Vols. 2 and 3 as well. Since you can stream it, you can at least enjoy the music of the season from the comfort of your office computer, even if you don't enjoy being stuck in your beige cube while the rest of the world is out enjoying eggnog and ugly sweaters.<br />
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<iframe allowtransparency="true" frameborder="0" height="100" src="http://bandcamp.com/EmbeddedPlayer/v=2/album=2724073524/size=venti/bgcol=FFFFFF/linkcol=4285BB/" style="display: block; height: 100px; position: relative; width: 400px;" width="400"><a href="http://heyitschristmas.bandcamp.com/album/hey-its-christmas-vol-1">Hey, It's Christmas! - Vol. 1 by Various Artists</a></iframe><br />
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Note: If the embedded player doesn't work, just click <a href="http://heyitschristmas.bandcamp.com/album/hey-its-christmas-vol-1">here</a> to stream or download directly!Erin Hhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18050148806257114148noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4776737030507731603.post-78829796007168055222012-12-11T13:27:00.001-05:002012-12-11T13:27:35.475-05:00lapseI had planned on not writing any more. To be honest, some of the allure of blogging had worn off when I realized I was no longer as anonymous as I thought. I found out several months ago that the higher-ups at my old firm had somehow become aware of the existance of the blog, and the thought of them rifling through my relatively private thoughts, a discussion of my vulnerabilities, etc. left a bad taste in my mouth. And as a result, once everything went through the filter of what I would want them to read, I found I didn't have much left to say. I tried to write a few times since then, and failed. <br />
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But, in reality, I missed it. I miss it. So. Perhaps we will call it a lapse and see where things go from here. Hopefully they have all moved on with their lives and were lulled into a false sense that I wouldn't write anymore based on my months of silence.<br />
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In case you're a reader who doesn't know me personally, hello, I've missed you, and I'll give you the briefest of updates, all in terms of facts and figures, although it doesn't say much about what life is like on a day-to-day basis.<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Because I like blog posts better when they have pictures, </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">here is one from London (see update number 2, below) </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">even if it's a complete non-sequitor. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Anyone who can explain it is invited to do so.</span></div>
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<a name='more'></a>1. Everyone's a year older. That means I'm 31, A is 12, B is 9, and C is 7. Kathy is also a year older, but I am strictly prohibited from disclosing her age.<br />
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2. The FI house weathered Sandy relatively well, although I was in London (finally) visiting my sister when Kathy went out to check our our house of orange. No major flooding. I can't even tell you how frustrating it would have been to have spent all of last summer frantically working on fixing up the house, only to have it destroyed by a superstorm, or hurricane, or whatever it is they are calling Ms. Sandy nowadays. Although I must confess, writing this makes me feel a bit like I belong in one of those Mitt Romney jokes ("If your home is in the path of Sandy, evacuate to your second or third home immediately!")<br />
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3. Kathy and I are married. And both our now officially the Mrs. Hs. Whoop whoop!<br />
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4. Have you noticed it's another freakishly warm December? That means that last weekend, I once again experienced the joy that is putting up our outside Christmas decorations in the rain. We did all the decorations in one weekend, due to an ill-timed child custody schedule. I got zero bruises this year man-handling the ladder (woman-handling?) but one gigantic bruise shutting my own leg in the car door at the Christmas tree lot. WTF.<br />
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5. The month of November was my busiest month EVER AS A LAWYER, meaning that the only two days where I did not bill time were Thanksgiving day and one day while I was in London, which I spent sleeping off a pretty killer jet-lag/hangover combination. It took me an entire week of relative slacking to bounce back from the burnout, but now, with visions of law firm bonuses in my head, I am gearing up for a busy December as well (no December dodge for this girl, especially since our associate-bonus year starts in November).<br />
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More to follow, I hope...Erin Hhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18050148806257114148noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4776737030507731603.post-27326330037188450462012-10-23T15:45:00.000-04:002012-10-23T15:45:01.640-04:00queensboro<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiP_eNPjXI8e0C-FdlvhoI9SRIuWm-tOxVr6jaYyAHCD18VZGW7OwOZQxOI2FEnJKcCP1bnDXIy6G5_Slo2EmCbloIS0LOIEoCVUdQhXAONqKMmFY4sXWs0nXIxT-3ARQxVUUdL3HDRVx09/s1600/triboro.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" oea="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiP_eNPjXI8e0C-FdlvhoI9SRIuWm-tOxVr6jaYyAHCD18VZGW7OwOZQxOI2FEnJKcCP1bnDXIy6G5_Slo2EmCbloIS0LOIEoCVUdQhXAONqKMmFY4sXWs0nXIxT-3ARQxVUUdL3HDRVx09/s320/triboro.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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Sometimes, when I am sad, or stressed, or just need to get away from the office, I walk over to the East River and stare at it.<br />
Erin Hhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18050148806257114148noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4776737030507731603.post-16550648205526025752012-10-18T17:16:00.000-04:002012-10-18T17:16:24.506-04:00contractorsKathy and I have issues with contractors. Every time we have one, I am shocked. I wonder when I am going to learn to lower my expectations about this.<br />
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I think most people tend to think that they are reasonable. I am no different in this regard. I know there are times when I am being unreasonable, and can't seem to help myself, but generally, on this topic at least, no. And yet, all too often, when we have to hire a contractor for something, we experience the same set of issues:<br />
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<u>Getting an estimate</u>. No one ever wants to give us one. When we were <a href="http://isalmostthere.blogspot.com/2011/11/great-basement-redo-progress.html">fixing up our flooded basement</a>, once the first contractor fell through, I called three other contractors for estimates, and only two of them even bothered to call me back, one showed up, and zero returned an estimate. I thought a full-scale basement remodel was a decent sized job, especially in a recession, but apparently the contractors in our Westchester town could not be bothered. And, it's not like I only called these people once. I made <em>multiple</em> phone calls. For the basement, this threshold issue was so severe that we eventually just did the work ourselves.<br />
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<u>Timing</u>. The first contractor that <a href="http://isalmostthere.blogspot.com/2011/11/great-basement-redo-demolition.html">fell through on our basement</a> did so because he couldn't meet our timing. And by that, I mean that we received an estimate for the work in August, and in November he informed us he wouldn't be able to start until after the holidays. I think that six months is an extremely long time to wait with your basement furniture sitting in your foyer. It was at that point that we said thanks, but no thanks, and I started trying to get other estimates. We've also had this problem with a painter and a gardener. Delays of <em>months</em> before they are willing to even get started on our projects.<br />
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<u>Communicativeness</u>. Okay, so maybe I am a little bit horrible at returning phone calls sometimes, but come on. If someone hires you to do work, calls and leaves several messages that say "When can you start?" I think common courtesy requires a call back in under six weeks.<br />
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<a name='more'></a>Then, the same thing happens. I become increasingly irritated. I call and begin leaving messages, which start out really nice. "Hi, this is Erin again, I was just checking in to see if you could give me a ballpark of when you could stop by for an estimate/return the estimate you were working on/get started? I'll be home all day, please call any time. Thanks!" And become increasingly urgent. "Hi. This is Erin. We last spoke nearly <em>seven weeks</em> ago. I just want to know if you are planning on starting the work, or if there is some kind of problem. Please call back as soon as possible." Polite, but firm. <br />
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Kathy and I have actually been fired by our contractors <u>twice</u> for asking them to get started in under six months. As in they, the contractors, told us they would not work with us and we should find someone else. I know you are probably thinking this is because we were rude, or called them every ten minutes, or screamed at them, or made unreasonable demands. I assure you this is not the case. Just polite conversations requesting a ballpark of when they could get started, and, if relevant, an assurance that they could meet a deadline discussed at the time they were hired. Never an insult, never a raised voice. And still, they were eventually unwilling to do our jobs.<br />
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So, each time we run into this, I run through a list of possible reasons.<br />
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1. <em>Other people simply wait years for their work to get done, so they are not used to people pressing them</em>. I don't know if this could be true, but maybe, just maybe, our timelines aren't realistic? I don't know. I really don't think other people wait months and months for contractors.<br />
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2. <em>We have had rotten luck</em>.<br />
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3. <em>Our projects aren't big enough to warrant their attention</em>. Maybe our basement repair isn't as juicy a job as we thought? And other people in our area are doing bigger or more fun jobs, so they'd rather not do ours?<br />
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But I always reject these explanations and land on the same one. <em>We're women</em>. There is no guy to deal with, no guy to call. Assertive women are "bitchy" and "demanding," while assertive men are "reasonable" and "professional." They don't take us seriously; they don't think we know what we are talking about. When I show them that I do know what I'm talking about, sometimes they actually laugh at me TO MY FACE and say patronizing things like "Did you used to help your dad a lot?" They often call us "girls." (As in, "Hi girls, I'm here to look at your _____.") I honestly think these contractors, who are invariably men, are just dismissive of us because of our gender. <br />
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So what do we do? Sometimes, I honestly don't have the skills or tools to do the job. I don't have a table saw, I don't know much about plumbing or electrical work beyond the basics, etc. Sometimes it's a job that requires more than two people, or Kathy is busy and I can't do it on my own. Sometimes I just don't have time or interest to devote to the job -- I have absolutely no interest in exterior painting or re-roofing our house, for example. And when that happens, we will have to hire contractors. But most of the time, we just <em>can't</em>, despite our best efforts. Erin Hhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18050148806257114148noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4776737030507731603.post-79714327722055334852012-10-10T14:53:00.000-04:002012-10-10T14:53:14.911-04:00internet presenceLast week, I wrote a long post about where I've been lately. Then I realized that said post teetered dangerously close to a line called "oversharing" or "dirty laundry." So I deleted it, and wrote this instead. Suffice it to say that over the summer, the stress of planning a wedding, renovating a house, working a new job, and parenting three kids just completely overwhelmed me. So, I did the only thing I could -- I withdrew, put my nose to the grindstone, and soldiered through. Completely unhappily while complaining a lot.<br />
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Ultimately, the result was a complete lack of any internet presence. No tweets, no status updates, no pins, no blogging. But! In the name of keeping things positive and upbeat over here, rather than complain about how stressful the summer of wedding planning and house renovating was, how about I instead share what I learned.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicYc0buQvfOKQt3HveEgkHg72tGGRrJ_of7Zrslb7aJ3bTEDM_CrS1hnzQU6qxRf0j8f4ZJOBz3pBq_vEe_YahrOiHiR-gOXPZ1iOeN9z6lilguuiBFnFgQtnvQ9F4_xxofK_dF0_ONohc/s1600/3+days+til+MRS.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" nea="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicYc0buQvfOKQt3HveEgkHg72tGGRrJ_of7Zrslb7aJ3bTEDM_CrS1hnzQU6qxRf0j8f4ZJOBz3pBq_vEe_YahrOiHiR-gOXPZ1iOeN9z6lilguuiBFnFgQtnvQ9F4_xxofK_dF0_ONohc/s320/3+days+til+MRS.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: xx-small;">(in the bathroom of a wine bar in the west village while out with my sister the week before the wedding)</span></div>
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I learned that my sister, in the midst of her own emotional trauma, will fly in from London, live with me for two weeks, hold my hand when I need her and stand there stoically, appropriately silent while I wail about curtain hem-lengths.<br />
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I learned that my mom, who has a chronic illness that causes her to fatigue easily, will scrub my floor on her hands and knees until her knees actually bleed.<br />
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I learned that your knees bleed if you scrub the floor on them for too long. I hope to never learn this again through personal experience.<br />
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I learned that my kids don't care if my name matches theirs, as long as it matches Kathy's so that I am really, officially, their other mom.<br />
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I learned that A is totally willing to wear uncomfortable shoes for six hours without a word of complaint if said shoes have a heel and make her feel grown-up.<br />
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I learned that B can gleefully eat more than 10 raw oysters in 10 minutes if left unattended near a seafood display.<br />
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I learned that my friends don't judge me when I'm at my worst. They just love me until I am at my best again. Or at least, something other than my worst.<br />
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I learned that my mom thinks this is a travel essential:<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtvXL7Lbhzl-0Ge5YmPa3sh5TLpaQCL-kze7uHlr2vILpq5VTIV7ngKFSsN7iYcR_w0k4Daire7VK9OBpeKC1E9VZlxxmKkjERRwxfPf1qRUXhidPV5LsfVXTAaZV4t3XBdT321x9QYA8j/s1600/mouse+pad.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="216" nea="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtvXL7Lbhzl-0Ge5YmPa3sh5TLpaQCL-kze7uHlr2vILpq5VTIV7ngKFSsN7iYcR_w0k4Daire7VK9OBpeKC1E9VZlxxmKkjERRwxfPf1qRUXhidPV5LsfVXTAaZV4t3XBdT321x9QYA8j/s320/mouse+pad.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: xx-small;">(yes, that is a kitten mousepad - apparently she <em>hates</em> using her </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: xx-small;">laptop without an external mouse, with mousepad)</span></div>
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I learned that having a wedding at home does not automatically translate to it being "simpler," especially if you plan to have 100 guests and hire a caterer, a DJ, and a florist. And also your house is on an island only accessible by boat.<br />
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I learned that my friend Lesley can assemble a lot of programs in a really short amount of time. And that she attributes this to having small, nimble fingers.<br />
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I learned that having my dad walk me down the aisle meant way more than I thought it would.<br />
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I learned that Kathy is absolutely gorgeous in a strapless floor-length dress.<br />
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I learned that, if left unattended, C will not hesitate to climb a tree while wearing a tux. <br />
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I learned that the Cherry Grove community is my home -- and that the people who live an play there are unabashedly enthusiastic when two brides step off the ferry, followed by 100 of their nearest and dearest.<br />
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I learned that the people who were there, with all their love and support, were the ones that mattered.<br />
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I learned, most importantly, that in the end, the wedding doesn't matter. The person you marry, does.</div>
Erin Hhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18050148806257114148noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4776737030507731603.post-81245811014018030552012-10-04T11:22:00.001-04:002012-10-04T11:27:42.508-04:00live long, and prosperI have mentioned before that we love Star Trek (the Original Series) in our house. I thought I might emphasize this fact with a few examples of our over-the-top Star Trek loving.<br />
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1. A photo me, as a <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vulcan_(Star_Trek)">Vulcan</a>. This was Halloween last year; I didn't just dress like this for no reason. Although I would.<br />
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2. Another, for good measure. I tried not to smile the whole night, since Vulcans don't really have emotions. I mean, technically, they do, they just don't acknowledge them. Which is what I went for. I am pretty sure I failed miserably though. A recently told me that I could not really be a Vulcan, because who ever heard of a Vulcan that cries. I had to point out that really, Spock was only half-Vulcan.<br />
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<a name='more'></a>3. Our entire family has imaginary roles, were we ever to find ourselves on the Space Ship Enterprise, as follows:<br />
<br />
Kathy: Command<br />
Erin: Science (and first officer -- see costume above)<br />
A: Communications (she talks a lot. I mean, a lot.)<br />
B: Medical (she loves biology and all animals, including her classroom's pet cockroaches)<br />
C: Engineering (he has already tried to invent wings for our '99 Jetta constructed of chicken bones and tin foil)<br />
<br />
I daresay we would be pretty well-equipped. We just need approximately 435 more crew members, including someone to take the "navigational" role, since Kathy and I have both established it is not our area of strength.<br />
<br />
4. Something I just purchased for our kitchen nook, to the <em>very great excitement</em> of the family:<br />
<img src="http://lib.store.yahoo.net/lib/ftcollect/waterback.gif" style="height: 300px; left: 0px; position: absolute; top: 0px; width: 300px; z-index: 999;" /><br />
<img src="http://lib.store.yahoo.net/lib/ftcollect/waterback.gif" style="height: 300px; left: 0px; position: absolute; top: 0px; width: 300px; z-index: 999;" /><br />
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<img src="http://lib.store.yahoo.net/lib/ftcollect/waterback.gif" style="height: 300px; left: 0px; position: absolute; top: 0px; width: 300px; z-index: 999;" /></div>
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<span style="font-size: xx-small;">(These are Kirk and Spock salt and pepper shakers, though sadly, </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: xx-small;">Kirk can't really stand up on his own; he needs to lean on Spock. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: xx-small;">Although I suppose that was true on the show, </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: xx-small;">as well as in the world of my salt and pepper shakers)</span></div>
<br />
5. The new name of the House of Orange -- Enterprise. A lot of the houses in Cherry Grove have names with puns, and we thought this would be cute since we love Star Trek, and also, the house has proven to be quite an enterprise. We are going to get a little sign made for it, which, of course will have a subtitle underneath, which reads "Live Long, and Prosper."Erin Hhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18050148806257114148noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4776737030507731603.post-76782622053521868092012-10-03T13:20:00.002-04:002012-10-03T13:20:52.394-04:00five tips for staying awake during long conference calls annoyingly scheduled immediately after lunchToday, I have a 1 1/2 hour conference call scheduled immediately following lunchtime. This call is a drafting session, which is particularly painful (i.e., boring). We have these calls for this particular client at relatively regular intervals -- every 4-6 weeks or so. Here is the thing, though. Always, ALWAYS without fail, the call is scheduled for a day I am sleep deprived. Last night I was up late working, but sometimes I am just up late fretting and stressing about something, or I am exhausted from a weekend of working on the house, or A had a school project due that kept us up late, or whatever. So, I have developed the following strategies for staying awake. I cannot take full credit for these -- some of them are Kathy's. But some are all mine.<br />
<br />
1. Don't eat too much. Not only does the food make you sleepy, but being hungry actually keeps me awake. <br />
2. Don't get too hungry. I know this kind of conflicts with the first one, but a drop in blood sugar can be a dangerous thing. You have to strike just the right balance. Sometimes it helps to snack continuously through the call.<br />
3. Drink two Diet Cokes with your lunch. Not only does the caffeine help, but needing to go to the bathroom also helps.<br />
4. Stand up. This is a good one if you are in your own office, but is less effective for live meetings or conference calls in your boss's office.<br />
5. Thing about something that is actually interesting. This is a tough one, because it requires you to not pay attention. Use sparingly! <br />
<br />
The problem with this particular call is that it is in my boss's office. I see him doing all of these things -- standing, eating, etc. But I am limited, because I want to seem professional and wandering around his office in the middle of the call does not seem all that professional to me. Once, I just broke down and asked if I could get coffee in the middle of the three hour call. He said yes. Erin Hhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18050148806257114148noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4776737030507731603.post-90869535882250308022012-09-28T11:32:00.000-04:002012-09-28T11:32:00.380-04:00changing your name is hardEverything about changing your name is hard. It's emotionally hard, letting go of an old name and taking a new one, which means a little bit of letting go of an old identity and taking a new one. It's physically hard, especially if you have to get <a href="http://isalmostthere.blogspot.com/2012/09/in-which-we-are-discriminated-against.html">discriminated against</a> in the process. But it's also just logistically hard -- sometimes even impossible. <br />
<br />
There's the social security card, then the passport, and the diver's license, and work, and the bank, etc. But yesterday I encountered a particularly surprising difficulty when I tried to change the email address associated with the blog. Not being Erin R. anymore, I tried to switch my log-in credentials over to my shiny new Erin H. email address.... only to discover that it was impossible. You just can't do it. So, through several backbends and contortions and a lot of signing out and back in, I finally managed to add my new email, even if the old one is still lingering, attached to the account. Which hits on one of the weird things about changing your name.<br />
<br />
In a lot of ways, you become a whole new person, with all your history wiped out. I don't have my email history, I don't have any history on blogger (although you can see from my profile that I reserved my new email address shortly after getting engaged, way back in <a href="http://isalmostthere.blogspot.com/2012/02/really-actually-perfect.html">February</a>). In almost every way, it seems like Erin R. has to get erased for Erin H. to spring into existance.<br />
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And so. If there is a bit of funkiness during the transition, where I appear to be two different people at the same time, rest assured it is not just you. I actually am two different people at the same time. </div>
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(<a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/09339741585750729440">Erin R</a>.)</div>
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(<a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/18050148806257114148">Erin H</a>.)</div>
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Erin Hhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18050148806257114148noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4776737030507731603.post-29883213095005800802012-09-27T10:48:00.001-04:002012-09-27T10:49:10.225-04:00south beachSo, my doctor put me on a diet. Not a weight-loss diet, although I may lose some. But a sugar diet. It turns out, it's actually not completely normal to feel shaky, light-headed, nauseated, and head-achy every 2-3 hours. Which is how I felt. Sometimes, if I went 4-5 hours without eating, my vision would start to tunnel every time I stood up. So a few months ago, I went into the doctor to find out what the heck was wrong with me. She listened to my symptoms, did a physical, and told me without much hesitation that I was hypoglycemic. <br />
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"Ok great. What do I do?" I asked.<br />
<br />
"Well, you need to change the way you eat."<br />
<br />
"Ok, fine. Do you have some kind of hypoglycemia diet I should follow?"<br />
<br />
"Really, the best thing you can do is follow the South Beach Diet."<br />
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<div align="center">
<img alt="The South Beach Diet : The Delicious, Doctor-Designed, Foolproof Plan for Fast and Healthy Weight Loss" border="0" height="300" id="prodImage" src="http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51VP3QDY2AL._BO2,204,203,200_PIsitb-sticker-arrow-click,TopRight,35,-76_AA300_SH20_OU01_.jpg" width="300" /></div>
<div align="center">
<span style="font-size: xx-small;">(the </span><a href="http://www.amazon.com/South-Beach-Diet-Delicious-Doctor-Designed/dp/B000FTWB1C"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">book</span></a><span style="font-size: xx-small;">)</span></div>
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I knew all about the South Beach Diet, because various family members had tried it about a decade ago. There was no way I was interested in giving up every bread. I am not a low-carb kind of person. "Oh, don't you have a handout or something?" I wanted her to tell me to eat more fruit or something.<br />
<br />
"No, not really, but you could look at the South Beach Diet."<br />
<br />
"Ok. Are there some general guidelines I could follow? Just sort of, you know, generally?"<br />
<br />
"Yes. The South Beach Diet."<br />
<br />
OKAY. I get it. South Beach Diet. But this was a month before the wedding, when we had bitten off way more than we could chew in terms of work/fixing beach house/wedding planning/family visiting/etc., so I decided to just table it for the time being, and gave myself permission to just eat when I was hungry without worrying about what it was. I gained roughly 10 pounds in as many weeks. And was still miserable, and hungry all. the. time. (I feel as though I should clarify here -- I am actually not a big junk food eater. Usually I was eating a salad and bread for lunch, and crackers mid-afternoon, and then cheese and more crackers when I got home, and dinner. Or something like that. I don't really eat sweets because I don't like them much. So when I say whatever I want, it's not like I ate three cupcakes a day or something. That's why the 10 lbs. in 10 weeks was so shocking.)<br />
<br />
I am no doctor, but the theory is that ironically, if you have low blood sugar, you need to avoid sugar, because it triggers your body into overproducing insulin, and drives your blood sugar lower than it was in the first place. It's like a sugar roller-coaster. Avoiding simple sugars makes it so the insulin production is slower and more level, so the blood sugar doesn't dip dangerously low. So finally, after much resistance (and in lieu of buying all new pants) I decided to try the South Beach Diet. I went and bought the book. This was Monday.<br />
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<a name='more'></a>Monday afternoon I sat down in the Qdoba in the food court in my building with a plate of lunch and the book, and started reading it. Halfway through my black beans and rice, I was crying. This was not just "eat more nuts" or "try to only have half the bagel at a time." It is a pretty serious overhaul of the way I eat -- it requires cutting out all sugar and white flour for two weeks, and then adding back in basically only naturally occurring sugar (like fruit or whole grains). FOREVER. Which is why it will actually manage the hypoglycemia -- because I will not be eating processed sugar or white flour or starchy root vegetables. Ever again. <br />
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If I was on the South Beach Diet for weight loss purposes, once I hit the weight I wanted I might be able to add those things back in, occasionally and in moderation. But that's not why I am on it. I'm on it for sugar-management purposes, which means I have to continue to follow it, or the symptoms will come right back. Which means no bagels, and no beer. At all. Apparently beer, my beverage of choice, is chock-full of quickly digested sugars and one of the worst things you can drink, especially on an empty stomach, if you have sugar problems. <br />
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I knew eating was an emotional thing, but it surprised me how upsetting it was to learn that I had to actually overhaul the entire way I ate and never go back. I am hoping that this means I will have a decent amount of success actually doing it, because it has definitely sunk in that this is a lifestyle-type change, not just "eat more fruit" or "try not to have so much desert." <br />
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So, while I probably won't write about it in much detail in the future, because talking about eating all the time is boring, I did want to write a little because it was so surprising to me (1) how much resistance I put up when even looking into this in the first place, and (2) how strongly I reacted to cutting out bagels that I never used to really eat that often in the first place.Erin Hhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18050148806257114148noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4776737030507731603.post-58880445725786199622012-09-11T21:55:00.000-04:002012-09-11T21:55:33.693-04:00in which we are Discriminated againstWell now, it has been a while since I've written. We are married, in the state of New York, anyway. Today, we went to the Social Security Administration to officially change our names and become the Mrs. Hs. I will spare you the gory details (although I am not sparing the Social Security Administration complaint box or the poor soul who reads the email directed to our beloved President), but suffice it to say that I have not been treated with such indignity in a long while.<br />
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<a name='more'></a>Essentially, the lovely clerk at the SSA and her oh-so-eloquent supervisor informed us that "after 9-11, you can't just go changing your name to anything you want," and that, without inspecting Kathy's divorce decree, they would refuse to accept our marriage certificate as evidence of her married name -- which, I assure you, is inconsistent with state law and the SSA's published policies on changing one's name upon marriage. Although as the oh-so-eloquent supervisor informed me, New York state law doesn't matter in those hallowed halls -- it is a Federal Agency, thankyouverymuch. I especially appreciated the callous dig about 9-11, on the anniversary of the attacks, a mere 19 miles from where the twin towers once stood. Classy. Clearly, they are lacking in sensitivity training over at the SSA. And <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fpkAKz1A878&lr=1&uid=Nm7O9WmYwy_CuU7YEg8UOA">George Takei </a>is their spokesperson! Regardless, we were treated with suspicion and disrespect from the moment we handed over our marriage certificate.<br />
<br />
And now, we are left in the unfortunate position of deciding What To Do Next. Do we suck it up, go back with the divorce decree, allow the SSA to continue its discriminatory practice, and get our f-ing names changed? Or do we take a stand and refuse allow our privacy to be violated, and head back to the SSA office every day until they comply with their own policies and issue us Social Security cards in our married names, accepting the same documents they require of other married couples?Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09339741585750729440noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4776737030507731603.post-89220216933011204552012-06-22T13:19:00.000-04:002012-06-22T13:19:08.622-04:00oh, heyLast published on MAY 18! Did it really say that when I logged in to Blogger? Pretty sure it did. So hi, it's me again.<br />
<br />
What have I been doing in the last one month and four days that has kept me from all 19 of my readers for so long?<br />
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<a name='more'></a>1. I turned 31. Thirty-one. As in, the number of ice cream flavors Baskin Robbins claims to have (I say claims, because I have not, in fact, investigated this for myself and suspect they actually have more or less). I almost missed it, because I was distracted at the time, and then suddenly the kids were asking what kind of cake I wanted. On the same day I turned 31, Kathy turned another age which I am not allowed to say on the internet, but which is greater than 31.<br />
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2. I worked on my first public company M&A deal, for extended hours. I was surprised to find that I enjoyed it. I got very little sleep, and, apparently, I did even less writing.<br />
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3. I had some kind of mind-explosion that comes when you are planning a wedding, renovating a house, working on your first pubilc company acquisition, have three children, the cat has decided to start pooping in your fiancee's gym bag, you have not exercised in approximately four months, you have to mow the lawn while it's still light out and you never get out of work before 11 at which point it is dark, you have to go to Michigan for a bat mitzvah, your sister lives in London so cannot feed you wine and cheese and listen to you cry, etc. There actually are things that fall into the etc. category but the sentence was getting too long and was underlined in green squiggles, which I find irritating. <br />
<br />
4. Time has, undeniably, continued to march on at a more-or-less regular pace. The kids finished school for the year, B turned 9 and did not receive a dog for her birthday, A had her first final exams and has fallen helplessly in love with a boy from a band called One Direction which produces songs that are indistinguishable from the Backstreet Boys, and C has essentially no teeth left to lose at this point, although he is disappointed that the tooth fairy does not bring iPads to our house, like it does for one of his friends.<br />
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Hopefully, in under a month's time, you will hear more from me -- with pictures. Hopefully it warms your heart to learn that I have diligently been taking pictures of the progress on our Fire Island house for you, even if I never seem to post them.<br />
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<br />Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09339741585750729440noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4776737030507731603.post-51568775511678973162012-05-18T17:07:00.001-04:002012-05-18T17:07:59.140-04:00head hangyI spent some time debating the title of this post. I'm not really sure if it's spelled hangey or hangy, but it's supposed to be pronounced like the word hang with a long e at the end. Just so you know.<br />
<br />
The phrase "head hangy" is one Kathy made up, and is essentially an unpleasant task, hanging over your head (hence the name) that colors your entire mood -- often, without you even realizing it. You know the type. You are cranky for days, sometimes weeks, and then you give the presentation, confront the family member, make the doctor's appointment, do your taxes, whatever, and suddenly, you are light and free and fun to be around again. <br />
<br />
I have had so many head hangies over the last two weeks that I've been snappish, cranky, and stressed. Anxious and sleep deprived. All manner of lovely things that make the mornings go really smoothly at our house (haha). Finally, I realized how many head-hangies I had, and started diligently trying to get some of them off my head. I also made a concerted effort to drink coffee before speaking, which also helps immeasurably.<br />
<br />
Just when I finally managed to clear all the head hangies, I was informed that I have due diligence over the next ten to fourteen days -- which includes this weekend and Memorial Day weekend -- except that I have no idea when the documents will be provided. It could be any time today, any time over the weekend, or any time on Monday. (For you non-lawyer types, due diligence involves massive piles of documents provided by the other side, all of which must be read by a lawyer to make sure that the client will still want whatever transaction to go forward. It is often mind-numbing, but you can't actually allow your mind to go numb, or you will probably miss something crucial. If you are really lucky, you get to summarize everything you read in a 200 page memo.)<br />
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<img align="bottom" height="240" src="http://zenhabits.net/fotos/stack.jpg" width="320" /></div>
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<a name='more'></a>This is the worst kind of head hangy! The kind you have absolutely no control over, but which can come crashing in and ruin your life at any moment! The kind that ties you to your desk on a breathtakingly beautiful Friday afternoon, and ties you to your blackberry for a weekend at Fire Island working on your house. <br />
<br />
So, it turns out that there are two ways to deal with head hangies. The preferred method involves doing the unpleasant task in front of you so that you can actually clear it. Now I get to practice the other method, which is to decide how much mental energy the head hangy deserves, and try to give it just exactly that much, and no more. <br />
<br />
For my diligence project, it means staying at work until six, and then allowing myself to go home. Then, for the weekend, it means setting the alarm on my phone so I check my email every so often, but also so I don't have to carry it around with me everywhere I go, checking frantically every time an email comes in. And it means conscientiously avoiding dwelling on catastrophe-related scenarios, like "I just know the minute I get on the ferry the documents are going to come in and my computer won't work and I'm going to have to turn around and go home, thereby destroying not only my weekend, but the work I was going to get done on the house, and as a result, the entire wedding." You know, not that I would ever think that, but just in case.<em> </em>Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09339741585750729440noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4776737030507731603.post-3241340264415810122012-05-14T16:33:00.000-04:002012-05-14T16:33:52.979-04:00rainy days and mondays<div style="text-align: center;">
<img alt="a man wearing jeans and a dark jacket walks down madison avenue carrying a black umbrella on a rainy evening" class="entry-content" height="213" id="entry" imagefetcheropts="null" src="http://72ppi.us/photoblog/dynamic_media/photoblog/20100318211836_man-with-umbrella-in-new-york-city.jpg" width="320" /></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">photo by </span><a href="http://72ppi.us/"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Joe Bergantine</span></a></div>
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<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dPmbT5XC-q0">Rainy Mondays</a> make me me fantasize about a life where Kathy works 8 to 5 but makes enough for us all to live on, so I can become housewife extraordinaire, stay home instead of trudging into the city to work every day, make dinners, read books and do projects at home. Kathy can come home in the evening and go for a run and play with the kids, then we can all sit down to dinner together. Kathy and I can catch up on Game of Thrones after we tuck the kids in. Every Friday we get a babysitter and go on a date or spend time with friends. We head out to Fire Island every weekend and work on our house and lie around in the sunshine on the beach, drinking lemonade. We get a dog. We are never stressed or tired. We all live happily ever after. The end.</div>
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You know, the kind of life that exists only in fantasies, but is nice to think about on a rainy Monday nonetheless.</div>Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09339741585750729440noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4776737030507731603.post-80757377282691326232012-05-11T12:26:00.001-04:002012-05-11T12:26:30.520-04:00a good startI suppose I would be remiss in my duties as a <a href="http://isalmostthere.blogspot.com/2010/11/worth-waiting-for.html#more">gay-engaged blogger</a> if I didn't write something about Obama's <a href="http://www.cnn.com/2012/05/11/politics/gay-marriage-obama-timeline/index.html">historic announcement</a> this week in support of marriage equality. But honestly, I have trouble viewing the statement as any real progress.<br />
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I'm glad he finally made this announcement, and I suppose it is "historic" as he's the first President to openly support same-sex marriage. <br />
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And yet, as one of my friends pointed out, it gets us no closer to slashing the number of <a href="http://www.gao.gov/new.items/d04353r.pdf">federal rights</a> that Kathy and I are denied, even though we can get married in our home state of <a href="http://isalmostthere.blogspot.com/2011/06/pride-part-i.html">New York</a>. And it does nothing for friends in school without health insurance because their working spouse isn't permitted to cover them. It does nothing for friends scraping by financially because they've had to devote their resources to paying legal fees to have documents drafted so that their "registered domestic partnership" isn't rendered null and void when they cross state lines. An endorsement without an action plan feels a little hollow. <br />
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<a name='more'></a>Unfortunately, I'm of the view that there is little that a President can do to on this, other than shift public perception (which I suppose is what he's doing) and nominate fair Justices to the US Supreme Court: Justices who value the Constitution, particularly the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Full_Faith_and_Credit_Clause">Full Faith and Credit</a> and <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Equal_protection_clause">Equal Protection</a> Clauses, more than particular religious or political obligations. Because until <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/02/23/obama-doma-unconstitutional_n_827134.html">DOMA is invalidated</a> by our high court, and same-sex marriage is evaluated under the <a href="http://caselaw.lp.findlaw.com/scripts/getcase.pl?court=US&vol=388&invol=1"><em>Loving v. Virgina</em></a> framework, individuals will still be denied basic federal rights, and states like <a href="http://www.hrc.org/files/assets/resources/US_Marriage_Prohibition.pdf">Michigan</a> and <a href="http://www.hrc.org/states/north-carolina">North Carolina</a> will still be able to enforce discriminatory laws at the state level.<br />
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<em> The freedom to marry has long been recognized as one of the vital personal rights essential to the orderly pursuit of happiness by free men.</em> <em>Marriage is one of the "basic civil rights of man," fundamental to our very existence and survival.... To deny this fundamental freedom on so unsupportable a basis as the <strike>racial</strike></em><em> classifications embodied in these statutes, classifications so directly subversive of the principle of equality at the heart of the Fourteenth Amendment, is surely to deprive all the State's citizens of liberty without due process of law. The Fourteenth Amendment requires that the freedom of choice to marry not be restricted by invidious <strike>racial</strike> discrimination. Under our Constitution, the freedom to marry, or not marry, a person <strike>of another race</strike> resides with the individual and cannot be infringed by the State.</em><br />
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<em>--</em>Chief Justice Warren, writing on behalf of a unanimous Supreme Court, <em>Loving v. Virginia</em>, 388 U.S. 1 (1967).Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09339741585750729440noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4776737030507731603.post-58858908348984411312012-05-10T14:55:00.003-04:002012-05-10T14:55:40.468-04:00two months in - an action planIn the <a href="http://isalmostthere.blogspot.com/2012/05/two-months-in.html">last post</a>, I gave myself a 3.6 out of 10 on the scale of work-life balance. Which, I say again, is pretty abysmal. I committed to developing an action plan so that my precious few non-work hours didn't slip away from me. Well, my friends, the time has come to commit to that action plan publicly, in front of you. This is mostly for my own self, to hold me accountable, but if anyone has suggestions, they would be appreciated in the comments!<br />
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Also, sorry about the lack of pictures, but this post is <em>very serious</em>. Also I only had a short amount of time to work on it. <br />
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1. <strong>Gardening</strong>. Just so you know, the lawn is no longer a foot tall. I mean, it's a good 8 inches again, but not a foot, and it's been raining all week. Kathy and I have decided a good way to handle this is that one day a week, when I can get out on time, I'll mow while she cooks dinner. Usually one of us cooks and the other bops around the kitchen chatting, so this is a small sacrifice of some family time together, but we make a point of sitting down as a family for dinner each night, so we will have to catch up then. Also, C has baseball games each Saturday morning, so when it's our weekend with the kids, I'll stay home while the rest of the crew goes to the baseball game, so I can do the other gardening -- weeding, mulching, planting, etc. I bought a flat of annuals for some fun color and we actually have an <a href="http://isalmostthere.blogspot.com/2011/04/much-mulch.html">enormous amount of mulch</a> left over from last year stashed in various places, so I am all ready for the implementation phase. Two hours every other weekend is not as much time as I would like in my garden, but it's a heck of a lot better than nothing.<br />
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And Kathy has promised to help me plant <a href="http://isalmostthere.blogspot.com/2012/04/stewartia.html">Stewart</a>.<br />
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<a name='more'></a>2. <strong>Cooking</strong>. I seriously want to make the muffins, people. This one is a little tougher. I think the key here will be one real trip to the grocery store a month, and muffin-making Sunday nights. That way the kids will have snacks for the upcoming weeks, and I'll scratch my baking itch. The weeknight dinners are still going to be chicken-on-grill, minute-rice-in-pot kind of affairs, but with homemade baked goods for snacks and the occasional fancy food on the weekends, it shouldn't be <em>so </em>bad, right?<br />
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3. <strong>Reading</strong>. This one doesn't need much help, since it got an 8 out of 10 but I would like to broaden my reading selection beyond what they feature on that front table at the Barnes & Noble across from my office. Maybe I should throw some good non-fiction in to shake things up. I am a fan of memoirs.<br />
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4. <strong>Working on my house</strong>. We are going to keep chugging along with the Fire Island fixer-upper (you may have noticed a to do list page was added to help keep organized), but with respect to the real house, I think we need to sit down and see whether there are any projects that need to take priority (there are) and figure out when to squeeze them in and/or hire someone to do them properly. The thing with house repair is that an ounce of prevention really is a pound of cure, so we need to make sure we stay on top of it. Projects that might make the list are getting the carpets cleaned (we had planned to do this ourselves, but...), having the sprinkler people come set them up to work properly so I don't spend my weeknights dragging a hose around to get all the places that remain mysteriously dry, and getting the gutters cleaned (yuck). You will be glad to know that we took our Christmas lights down in early April, scant days before the other house in our neighborhood that still had them up, thereby narrowly escaping being the last house. Also, the last house is rumored to be owned by a higher-up at a certain magazine touting organizational tips, which is a lovely bit of irony if you're me. <br />
5. <strong>Exercising</strong>. The daytime and the weekends are key here. I just got back from a mid-day yoga class, and I really believe that if I can squeeze in one or two lunchtime workouts a week, plus something on the weekends, that will be sufficient. I've also been trying to just be slightly less lazy about things and counting it as exercise. For example, last weekend I carried a sleeping C about 5 blocks, rather than waking him and making him walk, and decided this was sufficient in terms of back and arm muscle exercises, since I was so sore I could barely move the next day (a bonus is that C finds it hilarious to be the cause of my pain and misery, in a way that would be annoying with anyone else but is cute when it's a six year old).<br />
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So, in summary -- two hours of gardening every other week plus weeknight lawn mowing; Sunday night muffins (I wish it was Monday morning muffins so it could be alliterative); broaden reading selection by introducing some non-fiction; delegate real-house tasks so that I feel more on top of it; squeeze in a workout or two during the weekdays but also take the stairs and carry a 50 lb. boy around whenever possible. Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09339741585750729440noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4776737030507731603.post-59023590178855467652012-05-03T11:31:00.001-04:002012-05-10T14:55:58.540-04:00two months inOne of the main reasons that I quit my job last year was to enable me to focus a bit more on the non-work things I loved about life. These were things like gardening, cooking, reading, working on my house, and exercising. When I decided to go back, I also decided to really focus on making sure that I was doing these things regularly. In corporate speak, this is called work-life balance. It's something I was sorely missing before and actually thought, at one point, was impossible for a lawyer. So, now that I've been at my new job for two months (two months!) I decided to check in and see how I was doing.<br />
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1. <a href="http://isalmostthere.blogspot.com/search/label/gardening">Gardening</a>. I revealed last week that our lawn had grown to a foot in height. Nothing has been weeded, unless you count randomly pulling clover out of the cracks of the driveway as I walk to the front door at the end of a work day. There are no annuals in the ground, no vegetables in the raised bed (except the garlic, planted last year) and I haven't spread compost or mulched a single thing. The Stewartia is still in it's shipping pot, sitting on top of its future home. I did manage to mow the lawn on Monday after work, which took me about twice as long as normal because I had to bag the extra-long lawn clippings, and decided to mow the patio so at least the weeds were as short as the grass. 0 out of 10.<br />
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<img border="0" height="320" mea="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg16JBPc3RpwQ9joT93naiqQtABAG8TzDJNlOJQGL5gXnjWp0I4arzWOaSNA0QauBz6HAEhHNjSzOlXTYsdUi1haIY4hQOAPr5FNfnvIgjzF3yMOb3lJwk45mg-SXbFtyeIpU3zxe70ISE/s320/stewartia.JPG" width="240" /></div>
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<a name='more'></a>2. <a href="http://isalmostthere.blogspot.com/search/label/cooking">Cooking</a>. I have not made <a href="http://isalmostthere.blogspot.com/2011/11/muffin-mania.html">muffins</a>, to everyone's dismay, although I have pinned a few spring muffin recipes on Pinterest, which I consider progress on that front. I have managed to cook a few real meals, but mostly we have been members of the 20 minutes or less club. It is possible to make delicious food in under 20 minutes. It is exceedingly difficult to do this when you buy your groceries online and never get exactly what you thought you were getting (Not enough meat! <em>These</em> are spring onions? They didn't send the milk!) I like to touch, examine, and smell the food I buy. This is hard to do on your iPhone during your commute. 2 out of 10.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBJMYUIdb-QBDWmxt4LSDKA_CHLuMP2TtFrGXHCSbiMFQxau5XuV7jIhVV3uoQ7YGfgqLaLcj5DLkXfvOJ1bvhjG8GqDtWq9VTYUOoslcWq9vATY0Idma4wct0KDNrMX72Ua_3uY2vbPk/s1600/muffins.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" mea="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBJMYUIdb-QBDWmxt4LSDKA_CHLuMP2TtFrGXHCSbiMFQxau5XuV7jIhVV3uoQ7YGfgqLaLcj5DLkXfvOJ1bvhjG8GqDtWq9VTYUOoslcWq9vATY0Idma4wct0KDNrMX72Ua_3uY2vbPk/s1600/muffins.jpg" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">(via </span><a href="http://pinterest.com/pin/208291551486176326/"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Pinterest</span></a><span style="font-size: x-small;">)</span></div>
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3. <a href="http://isalmostthere.blogspot.com/search/label/books">Reading</a>. This one is actually going remarkably well. I think that the shift from driving in every day to taking the train has made a big difference. Any day I don't ride in with Kathy I have a half hour of uninterrupted reading time. Currently, I'm reading <em><a href="http://tomrachman.com/">The Imperfectionists</a></em> by Tom Rachman, which I have had my eye on for a while. 8 out of 10!<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1iTSjZf8QUHG6knPnTW78NG374R3JCz9FP18AzmG3lTsHWem0cxeVaV14nFVuK75nLUbryl4BysARSadyQfkt2MpXWY8O7fZ1P-9oqwUfZGDtPH6QNohTJG-jwm74_MrHkkPSkroiKss/s1600/book.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" mea="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1iTSjZf8QUHG6knPnTW78NG374R3JCz9FP18AzmG3lTsHWem0cxeVaV14nFVuK75nLUbryl4BysARSadyQfkt2MpXWY8O7fZ1P-9oqwUfZGDtPH6QNohTJG-jwm74_MrHkkPSkroiKss/s320/book.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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4. <a href="http://isalmostthere.blogspot.com/search/label/home%20improvement">Working on my house</a>. This one is also going well, thanks in part to Kathy's recent discovery that <em>she actually loves house projects</em>. We bought the Fire Island fixer-upper, and have been out there every weekend dutifully painting, scraping, demolishing, and re-building our Roman creamsicle into our New England beach house. In all fairness, this is a big reason that items 1 and 2 have been going so poorly, since we aren't in Westchester on the weekends anymore. So, for our "real" house this one gets a 1 out of 10, but for the Fire Island fixer-upper, it's a solid 10 out of 10, for an average of 6 out of 10 ( I rounded up).<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRHyemJNin1gDqgKivCsQkdWJuffGvygiz9cvDfJrPqga8AIoVTwXaPE4LRfiAfzmg1QwBuVqGOB2gRE5PAquVEMJDoTYq4-DSiYl7RXVWHVMBDJbSODgtnTd5guUNO2NnuX2scrgt6qs/s1600/drywall+mudded.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" mea="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRHyemJNin1gDqgKivCsQkdWJuffGvygiz9cvDfJrPqga8AIoVTwXaPE4LRfiAfzmg1QwBuVqGOB2gRE5PAquVEMJDoTYq4-DSiYl7RXVWHVMBDJbSODgtnTd5guUNO2NnuX2scrgt6qs/s320/drywall+mudded.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">(a little teaser of Fire Island fixer-upper posts to come)</span></div>
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5. Exercising. I should start out by saying that I am for the most part "an exercise because it makes me feel good" kind of person. I truly enjoy it, so it's a real priority for me. This is also a priority that is made really tough by working full time. I got myself a gym membership, but sometimes it's such a hassle to remember all the clothes to bring in (I always forget socks) and make the time to go during the day -- even when I'm not busy. Last night I was super-excited about a potential yoga class, but had to work 15 extra minutes and missed it. BLAH. Really recently I have been making an effort (i.e., this week) but before that I would say that this has been the longest no-exercise stretch since I was in college, because of the back injury and the new job. 2 out of 10.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAPOK-LX6CU38EUN3BgenGQoqARP3cDUeIpVph-KCgziDDFAAbvn9Nnqm-M-eox0qeSjZc5mrOYMvPGOuRNPQhI63ycCLJA4DBL4sPgTaoRZm6yxMg29bRKz2luvn1tLdzPIk_SeZ5csI/s1600/kicks.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" mea="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAPOK-LX6CU38EUN3BgenGQoqARP3cDUeIpVph-KCgziDDFAAbvn9Nnqm-M-eox0qeSjZc5mrOYMvPGOuRNPQhI63ycCLJA4DBL4sPgTaoRZm6yxMg29bRKz2luvn1tLdzPIk_SeZ5csI/s320/kicks.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
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All of this averages a 3.6 out of 10. Which is pretty abysmal. Having abysmal work-life balance is not conducive to a long-lasting career, or personal sanity, so I'm going to have to develop some kind of action plan to dig in a little deeper on these things. This much needed check-in has made me realize that work-life balance doesn't just happen, it's something you have to constantly work on. You have only so many hours in a day, so if you don't consciously decide how to spend them, they slip away.<br />
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As a parting note, I will say that time spent with my family has been much better than before, although this wasn't one of the factors I assessed here. There have been only 3 nights I have had to work late and miss dinner, in over two months, which is not a bad track record considering that I need to leave by 6 to make dinner. The weekends have also been largely work-free, and this place is not a crazy blackberry place like my last firm. This weekend I am even skipping out a couple hours early on Friday to go down to Florida with the kids as tag-alongs on one of Kathy's business trips. Although a little more time with my <a href="http://isalmostthere.blogspot.com/2012/02/really-actually-perfect.html">lovely fiancee</a> would be desirable, it hasn't been awful.Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09339741585750729440noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4776737030507731603.post-43087075350430543962012-04-27T15:22:00.001-04:002012-04-27T15:22:19.755-04:00stewartiaYesterday was a grey day. I did not get any sleep the night before, so I was tired. The lady at the store where we were registering for our wedding gifts was rude. We had to go to Ikea in New Jersey in under 3 hours. My mom told me that my grandparents weren't going to come to my (gay) wedding. It misty-rained all day long, just enough to make my feet wet on the way home from work. All this was a recipe for sad.<br />
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After Ikea, I came home mopey and reticent. Then Kathy noticed the box on the front porch, which had apparently been delivered sometime after 6:30 when we had left for Ikea. It was tall and skinny. I knew in an instant what was inside. My <em>stewartia pseudocamillia</em>. Which I have been <strike>boring my family by</strike> talking about <a href="http://isalmostthere.blogspot.com/2011/08/immature.html">since last summer</a>. I wanted it last summer. I ordered it last fall. And I have been waiting ever since. <br />
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It's funny how magical delayed gratification can make something, and how a little tree can turn a grey day around.<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">(my very own <em>stewartia</em>, basking in the morning sun in its future home)</span></div>Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09339741585750729440noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4776737030507731603.post-9896861924365408242012-04-26T16:45:00.000-04:002012-04-26T16:45:02.483-04:00usefulWhen I was staying at home, I used to wonder if I would contribute more to the family if I was working. I worried, occasionally, and especially in the early days of staying home, that I wasn't "pulling my weight" if I wasn't doing house work or projects non-stop all day. <br />
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Last night, after work, Kathy met up with some colleagues and I volunteered to go home for kid duty so she could stay out. When I got home, I was instantly crabby. Our lawn is, in some places, a foot tall. A FOOT. The house was a shambles, with stacks of mail everywhere, dirty dishes, crumbs, toys, and sticky substances coating nearly every surface (this might be an exaggeration. Then again, it might not). I decided to spend the night cleaning, tidying, and throwing away. I worked non-stop for a few hours, until the house was at least tidy, if not clean.<br />
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<a name='more'></a>I have been slow for the last few weeks at work. I hate being slow at work. Weirdly, it dawned on me as I was locating the source of the sour smell emanating from the dishwasher, that I like housework because it makes me feel <em>useful</em>. This was a little surprising, considering that only a year ago I was worried I would not feel useful if I was not financially contributing to the family. But looking at that garbage bag of junk that had accumulated in the house over the last month, I felt the full weight of all I did when I stayed home. <br />
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Housework is, for me, deeply satisfying. It yields tangible, visible results. It makes our family's life flow. It makes our home a cozy, good-smelling place instead of a dumping zone that is a source of stress. I think the kids really miss all the muffins, and I really miss making them. I really do feel way more useful and satisfied at home than I do at work. I realize not all women feel this way. Frankly, I am surprised to find that I am one of them. Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09339741585750729440noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4776737030507731603.post-14149648780370243542012-04-23T03:00:00.000-04:002012-04-23T03:00:05.273-04:00the house of orange - demoI've tried to think of the right words to describe the horribleness of the walls in our living room at the House of Orange, but it's hard to convey with words, or even with pictures, the experience of opening the front door and being enveloped in some kind of orange pinstripe wonderland. The pictures do not do justice to the intensity of the orange, and the dizzying effect that white quarter-round trim nailed in stripes and boxes all over your walls can have. This effect is intensified by the draperies, which were white curtains with orange stripes, or orange and white striped roman shades. All of this was highlighted by a white lattice-work ceiling (custom built!) and a white linoleum floor.<br />
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In the following pictures, we have already moved the furniture away from the walls and started work, but here is a little bit of what I mean.<br />
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I'm fond of the shot above because it highlights some of the finer features, including one of our Romanesque statutes and the white wire chandelier with orange wooden tassels hanging all over it. You also get a good sense of the trim covering every wall. Yes, that is trim, not just some artfully painted white lines. They painted, measured, cut, and nailed all that trim to the walls. <br />
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Here's a shot of the front windows. Sorry to say we've already relocated some lamps, etc. so it's not really a "before" shot like it would be if you had just walked in, but you can see all the extra action that the drapes provide. You can also see, which I forgot to mention before, that they painted a bright orange stripe around all the window trim with a super-shiny acrylic paint. So, in order to cover it, all the trim had to first be wiped with a liquid de-glosser, then primed twice.<br />
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<a name='more'></a>At first, Kathy and I thought we would just prime and paint over all the trim on the walls, since if it had been caulked on, removing it would have destroyed the underlying walls. However, we found that, luckily, it was just nailed on using small finishing nails. On top of that, the walls underneath had not been painted for around 30 years, so the paint was peeling and chipping off in many places. That meant that, in order to repair the walls underneath, the trim had to come off anyway. Otherwise we would have had a situation where the paint was literally held to the walls by the trim. So off it came. <br />
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The kids ripped off the lower trim, which pried off easily with a screwdriver, and Kathy and I removed all the upper trim. We then busted out the heavy-duty spackle and patched all the holes, as well as tried a bit to repair the drywall underneath where chipping paint had left an uneven surface. Until we ran out of spackling. Then we just decided to leave it and see how it looked with primer.<br />
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The picture above shows one of our pillars, which holds up a beam that bisects the living room. This beam, we understand, is load bearing. The pillars will also go, but that's a story for another post (no pun intended!). <br />
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I like this picture because it has Easter baskets in it. Can you imagine the Easter bunny hop-hopping around this bright orange room, stashing eggs in empty spackling buckets? Because that is what happened in our house. You know, if you believe in (and are not afraid of) a giant, human-sized rabbit that breaks into your house in the dead of night and hides hard-boiled chicken eggs. <br />
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The picture above shows what the windows look like with the drapes removed. We also took all the wooden tassels off the chandeliers, which helps a surprising amount. Seriously, where would you even find these, and why would you want them attached to all your light fixtures? (The picture below was taken in the bathroom. Note the orange wallpaper.)<br />
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I was surprised and pleased at how dramatically the room was improved just by removing the trim. You can see we actually have gorgeous floor-to ceiling windows and french doors. We decided to keep the chair rail, and left the trim on the doors that lead into the kitchen (pictured above) and the front door (pictured below).<br />
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Once you see the wall with primer, you can easily see why we fell in love with this house in all its orange glory. With soaring ten-foot ceilings, large multi-pane windows, the architecure is a bit breathtaking once it's stripped down to its essentials.<br />
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When I sent the picture above to my dad and sister, they both asked the same question: What's the plan with that lattice work? The truth is, we don't know yet. I despise it, but pulling it down could be opening a big can of worms. Will we paint the beams underneath it, for a sort of raw look? Will we (hire someone to) put in a sheetrock ceiling? We'll have to wait and see how the other projects progress this summer and what the situation is underneath the lattice when we get to that point.Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09339741585750729440noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4776737030507731603.post-41535326855383009212012-04-20T15:35:00.001-04:002012-04-20T15:35:33.400-04:00moving in, and a gross miscalculationOne of the logistical difficulties with renovating a house on Fire Island, is that it's on an island. Which means you have to take a boat to get to it. Having a fair amount of experience schlepping personal effects, clothes, and food out to the island for the past few summers, we realized that our week of renovating was going to require a fair amount of prep work. What this meant for me was a detailed shopping list, including a full week's-worth of meals for six people, purchased in advance, all of our home-improvement supplies, and all of our tools. What this meant for Kathy was that we <strike>got to</strike> had to rent a U-Haul. Her first real-life U-Haul lesbian experience.<br />
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<a name='more'></a>We loaded every item we could possibly imagine needing for the week into our U-Haul (including a ping-pong table and some furniture we have been wondering what to do with) and brought it to the ferry.<br />
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This part went remarkably smoothly. We were a bit exhausted by the end of the day, but we got our stuff out there. Because we had to pick up Kathy's mom at the airport, we didn't spend the night on Fire Island that night. Instead, we went back to Westchester.<br />
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This is where I have to come clean about the gross miscalculation. We didn't have time to buy all the paint in time for the U-Haul day. It's not that easy to plan moving in, a week's "vacation" (I use that term VERY loosely) and a home renovation project all at once. Anyway. We went to Home Depot in Westchester on Saturday morning, before heading out for the week, and stopped into the paint department.<br />
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"How much do we need?" Kathy asked.<br />
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I looked at the back of a gallon of paint, which said it covered approximately 400 square feet. "Well," I said, "we have a 21 by 23 room, with 10 foot ceilings. 21x23x10 is.... [pull out iPhone calculator] 4,830 feet? So that's... 12ish gallons? Plus we don't want to run out. So we better get an extra gallon or two." And that is how we ended up buying three 5-gallon buckets of blue paint, plus two five-gallon buckets of primer. <br />
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"What are you painting?" the paint man at the Home Depot asked us. "The Taj Mahal?" Haha, we laughed. He is so funny! we thought. <br />
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This, we later told A, is why you need to pay attention in math class. For those who were not math majors like me, and would not be able to figure out why, after we had painted the entire room, we still had not used even one of our five gallon buckets of primer, let me explain. <br />
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I MULTIPLIED the length of the room by the width, then multiplied by the height. That is a correct calculation. Of volume. But since we're not actually trying to fill the entire room with paint, that is the wrong math problem, even if we did get a correct answer. We were supposed to calculate the <em>perimeter</em> of the room, then multiply by the height. Which would be 21+21+23+23=88. Times 10 foot ceilings, gives us 880. So really, we needed about 2 1/2 or 3 gallons to do the entire room. Not 12. <br />
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We do need to paint every room in our entire house, so we will eventually make it through our 10 gallons of primer. But the extra 10 gallons of non-returnable custom-tinted blue paint? Craigslist, I guess. Sigh.Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09339741585750729440noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4776737030507731603.post-41376084913264976832012-04-19T11:37:00.003-04:002012-04-19T11:37:52.622-04:00goodbye to RemyLast week, we started on the renovations to our Fire Island house, so we could get it ready for the wedding. One of the first tasks was to remove all the crap that accumulated in the house since it was last cleaned in 1985. The owner of the house in the 1980s was a designer, with a very unique style. Owners since then have embraced this style but, um, it's not exactly "us."<br />
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We learned from neighbors that there are three ways to get rid of weird stuff in your house: (1) put it near your garbage and hope someone takes it, (2) throw it in a dumpster at the dock on community clean-up day, or (3) donate it to the Cherry Grove community center so they can sell it in their annual fundraiser flea market.<br />
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As we started to fill the back bedroom with boxes of stuff to donate (this being our preferred option, since it benefits the community), it quickly became clear that we were going to run out of space. So we decided to start leaving stuff out and see what went. This was our first attempt:<br />
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<a name='more'></a>The centaur's name is Remy (it says so, right on the side of his platform). Note also the pillar in the background. As we were putting these two items out, a guy was walking down the boardwalk. "Hey," I said. "Wanna gold centaur statute?"<br />
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"Sure. My cousin would love it." And off he went, carrying Remy. Seriously, Remy lasted less than 10 seconds out there. <br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">(guy walking away with Remy)</span></div>
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We took our hand truck and went down to the dock to pick up a few sheets of drywall we had shipped over to replace a moldy wall, and when we came back, the pillar was gone. So we decided a second round of fine items was in order. Another pillar, this time with a stone urn full of glass fruit on top. <br />
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Less than a half hour later, we went out check, and apparently only the fruit was worth taking. Oh, well. <br />
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I think we ended up dragging the pillar back in at the end of the night.<br />
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I would like to install a hidden camera, to capture the decision-making process of the passers-by. Can't you just see a guy stopping there, with his wagon? He says to his partner, "Sweetie, look at this pillar, urn, and glass fruit! What a find!" Then the partner replies, "Dear, that pillar is far to heavy and awkward to wheel through town. Let's just take the urn and glass fruit. We can put the urn in the garden and plant begonias in it, and the glass fruit will look lovely affixed to my drag queen wig for the Invasion this year." Or something of that nature. It does make me pleased to imagine this stuff going to a good home, rather than a landfill.<br />
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Facebook posts of some of these pictures have triggered something of a backlash amongst my friends. "How could you get rid of Remy?" they all ask. "He's AWESOME!" they exclaim. I don't think you understand the sheer volume of this crap though. You have seen two pillars. In the living room, there were four more (affixed to the walls). There are two in the dining room, one in one of the bedrooms, and four in the upstairs hallway. So we actually have a few pillars to spare. Remy is not the only mythical creature living at our house. We also have some cupids, a Medusa, and some kind of crystal ball which the kids have named "Cha" and refer to as if it is some kind of deity. I don't know, kids are weird. <br />Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09339741585750729440noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4776737030507731603.post-29013403600388305112012-04-05T17:21:00.000-04:002012-04-05T17:21:02.445-04:00paintNext week, we'll spend the entire week in our brand new-to-us house on Fire Island (which does not have heat! Lots of snuggling will be required!). <br />
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Our goal: to begin to change it from this<br />
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to something a little more like this.<br />
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We're going for a look that's a little less Rocky Horror Renaissance Creamsicle and a little more Classic Beach House. Here's to a sea-inspired palette, natural fibers, and outdoor showers.<br />
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On the agenda for the week -- steam cleaning all the existing upholstered furniture, ripping up the dirty orange carpet off the stairs to assess what's underneath, choosing a color for the exterior, and painting that bright orange living room. If we're way ahead of schedule (haha, when does that ever happen with home improvement projects?!) we might even get started painting our all-white kitchen. I'll bring along the camera, so you can expect lots of before/after shots. You might even get some action shots in there along the way. <br />
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See all the beach house design ideas (and the sources for the inspiration shots above) by following me on <a href="http://pinterest.com/erins_lime/beach-house/">Pinterest</a>.Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09339741585750729440noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4776737030507731603.post-7252508420289924032012-04-03T15:27:00.000-04:002012-04-03T18:41:10.148-04:00the illusion of four weeks (with tips!)A conversation I had with a first year associate at my new firm reminded me of one of my least favorite aspects of Biglaw. At the conclusion of our conference call, a fourth year, the first year, and I started chatting about associate life. The first year, who has been at the firm about three months, I think (read: longer than me) finally asked, a bit nervously, "Can I ask you guys something?" I was excited. An opportunity for mentoring! I love mentoring!<br />
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"Of course!" we both answered enthusiastically. The fourth year must love mentoring too.<br />
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"Well, my hours are kind of low. But.... I don't know. I wanted to take this vacation in July. Do you think I'm allowed?" Oh boy. I bet she thought this was an easy question. <br />
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Officially, associates at my firm are entitled to four weeks of vacation per year. This is the case at most Biglaw firms -- it's totally market. So it seems like the answer to this poor first year's question would be a "Yes" as long as she hasn't somehow managed to already take one month off when she's only been here for three. <br />
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<img height="175" id="il_fi" src="http://workitmom.com/bloggers/corneredoffice/files/2010/07/laptop-beach-guy.jpg" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="175" /></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">(</span><a href="http://www.workitmom.com/bloggers/corneredoffice/2010/07/20/working-on-vacation-necessity-or-bad-habit/"><span style="font-size: x-small;">via</span></a><span style="font-size: x-small;">)</span></div>
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<a name='more'></a>This <em>is not </em>all there is to the story though. Traditional Biglaw lore requires associates to ignore the four weeks of vacation they give you, and "just make sure you hit your hours." If you hit your hours, you can take as much time off as you want. This is what Kathy told me when I was a first year, and it's what her mentor told her. In fact, this policy was made official at my last firm. They literally took away our four weeks of vacation, and told us to "just hit our hours." That is fine, during the boom years when everyone was hitting their hours, and, in fact, had to fight tooth and nail to get a scrap of time to themselves. But these are not, in fact, the boom years. The first year is not going to hit her hours. A lot of people are not going to hit their hours. <br />
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So you see, you're afraid that taking vacation when you're slow gives the impression that you don't <em>want</em> the work, or something. You think that, during your review, people look at your file and tsk, "Well, she only had 1600 hours, but she took four weeks of vacation. Didn't it seem like she was always out? Maybe if she had been around, that could have been more like 1800 hours." More that that, assuming that you like your job and want to stay there, there is always the concern that a huge matter that you could get staffed on will come up while you're out, and you'll miss it. And then you'll only have 1200 hours, and all the other people your year will have 2000, and you'll get fired. Or at least, seriously frowned at.<br />
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Even though it's not the case, the assumption, I suppose, is that you would have hit your hours had you not taken the vacation.<br />
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On top of this, the 2000 hour billing requirement is based on 40 hours of billings per week with two weeks of vacation a year. <em>Except</em> for the fact that there are usually around ten holidays a year, where the office is actually closed (New Year's day, MLK day, sometimes President's day, Memorial Day, the 4th of July, Labor Day, two days for Thanksgiving, and Christmas, plus some other random ones that I am always pleased by, like Flag Day or something). So, for those of you doing the math at home, even if you're billing 40 hours a week, if you take these holidays off, then you actually have ZERO days of vacation.<br />
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Well, ultimately, we told the first year to take the time off. But then, the matter of how to ask for the time off arises. You have 12 bosses, not one. There is no official policy (or the official policy is rendered irrelevant by hordes of people telling you to "just make your hours") and you don't want to foster the perception that you're "always out." What's a junior associate to do? It's a nerve-wracking balance of Outlook away-messages only when actually on an airplane, e-mailing only the people you are actually working for to tell them you'll be out, and collusion with your secretary. Drafting the actual email telling people you'll be out is walking a knife-edge between informing them politely that they are to leave you alone, while simultaneously seeming excited to sit in your hotel room working while your friends drink daiquiris around the pool. <br />
And so, as promised, some vacation-requesting tips I have learned in all my many years of associate-ship:<br />
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<li>You don't need to end the email with "Please let me know if you anticipate any issues." You do not actually want them telling you there are issues; you want to go on vacation. Don't worry, I have never actually met a boss who was shy about letting an employee know if there are issues with the timing of a vacation.</li>
<li>Do not send a vacation email so far in advance that you will have to send a reminder. Then it seems like two vacations. But do let people know far enough out that they won't be irritated with you. I like to tell people verbally a month or so in advance (they always forget), then send a "Please be reminded" note a week ahead. </li>
<li>I like to say I will be "out of the office" rather than "on vacation." In my opinion, "out of the office" suggests you could still work, without you actually offering to still work. "On vacation" sounds like you are out partying -- which, even if you are, you don't necessarily want to convey that. And no matter how you phrase it, if they want you to work, you'll work, and if they don't, you won't. So you might as well seem available.</li>
<li>If you are flat-out inaccessible, for the love of god, say so. Add the word "camping" or "without computer access" or "with limited blackberry service" or something so you don't have to sit on pins and needles wondering if someone is going to ask you to do electronic doc review from the woods of northern Michigan or drive for hours trying to find an air card for your laptop.</li>
<li>On that note, if you are going to rent some house for your vacation (or go to some nice rustic bed and breakfast or something), make sure you check about internet and phone service before you get there. I have had horrible experiences where I get to the vacation place and there is no wi-fi, or there is no landline and no cell service, or no blackberry service -- even though it seems like I'm in a relatively civilized place. THIS SUCKS. It results in hours upon hours spent in a Starbucks an hour away and/or the aforementioned drive in search of an air card.</li>
<li>If the timing of your vacation is tied to some major life event, you should say that. Then they know you aren't just off lying around on the beach reading novels like a normal person on vacation -- you are <em>obligated </em>to take the time off. Good reasons are: weddings (especially your own), bar/bat mitzvahs, births, milestone birthdays of your parents, and other once-in-a-lifetimes. </li>
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Believe it or not, this is far from everything I have to say on the ulcer-inducing process of taking a vacation from Biglaw, but I'm going to leave it at that, since this is actually a blog post, not a 200 page book.* <br />
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Oh, how I long for my days of relative simplicity, working at the fine jewelry counter at the mall, where I got only two weeks of vacation, but accessed them by emailing one person a month in advance and officially requesting the time, no matter how busy or slow my store was, and then just ignoring work for the entire time I was out.<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><em>* Because I can't resist saying one more thing. I do realize the inherent contradiction in what I've written. If you're slow, why are you having to work on vacation? I do not know the answer to that. I suspect it has something to do with tight turn-around times on legal work. It does always seem to happen, though. To be honest, it's usually not that bad, just one or two days where you get up earlier than everyone else and work a few hours, then join in the fun, or you have a conference call here or there. But still, it is stressful not knowing what, if anything, is going to come up.</em></span>Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09339741585750729440noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4776737030507731603.post-15726960551377275592012-03-28T17:45:00.001-04:002012-03-28T17:56:57.088-04:00Diary of an Expat: Culture ShockA few weeks ago, I was planning on posting a blog about a cultural difference I'd noticed between the US and the UK. It all got started when I was watching Breakfast on BBC (similar to The Today Show, for those of you in America, except with slightly more news content and slightly less Al Roker acting like a tool), and there was a piece on interracial adoption in the UK. The moral of the story was that there were many children in foster care across the UK, and many families wanting to adopt a child, but they couldn't be put together because parents can only adopt children of the same ethnic background. If you're interested, you can read some of the facts <a href="http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-17313369">here</a> (I couldn't find the original piece I saw on Breakfast)<br />
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Hearing this, I was absolutely shocked. I thought to myself (and even said to Joe) this would never happen in America! What really matters, I thought, is for children to have loving parents, no matter their ethnic background. I was all ready to post away, when I thought to myself, "I guess I don't really know if America has a similar policy in place." With just a quick check of Wikipedia (most trusted source in the world!), I learned that there actually IS a similar policy in America. I also learned that there were many people - of all races - fighting to stop interracial adoptions not because they think there is anything inherently wrong with parents of another race adopting a child, but because they think it makes it difficult for children to understand their own identity. <br />
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<a name='more'></a>Now, with any of my opinions aside, this whole issue brought something entirely different to the front of my mind. I originally had thought there was no way this would fly in America - when, in fact, it had been flying in America for quite some time. The difference in culture had much less to do with each country's adoption policies and much more to do with each country's norms on discussing race in public forums and the media. Not that we don't talk about race in America - racially motivated crimes are a frequent topic on the news. But it's rare that we have a <span style="font-style: italic;">discussion</span> about race. And by discussion, I mean something civilized, without each side accusing the other of something. <br />
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I wish I had something more substantial to offer in terms of a conclusion about the topic, but I can understand both side's views and I haven't had enough time or done enough research to firmly form my opinion. Really all I can say is that it's things like this that make me enjoy living in another culture. You think you have such a firm understanding of the world that you've lived in, and it takes living in a different world to fully understand where you've come from.joyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03169172148281564825noreply@blogger.com0