wine, and erin

Last week, I finally went to the Thursday night wine and horseback riding lesson.  There were five riders, including me.  I was, by far, the worst one.  This is not a position I like to find myself in when I am doing something in a group, but it's something that I think is good for me.  When you're a perfectionist, nothing is better for you than sucking at something.  Also, just about nothing is harder.  Except for maybe sucking at something in front of a bunch of strangers that you want to like you. 

And of course, nothing bad happened.  It was actually fun to be riding in a group setting.  It was fine being the worst one.  At some point, you're SO FAR behind the other people that it's not even embarrassing -- you're just a beginner, and they're experienced.  I did not fall off, I did not go bolting across the ring out of control.  There was one point where I couldn't get my horse to stop, but even that wasn't too bad.  Then, after the lesson, we had wine and chatted.  Another person in my lesson was surprised to learn that horseback riding was a new hobby for me, which flattered me.  Everyone swapped stories about falling off, and my old teacher told a story about a student that she was convinced was trying to murder her (by poisoning).  I did not say much, but it was okay.  I did not drink excessive amounts of wine, which I felt was crucial considering that one e-mail exchange.  After an hour, we all went home.  All-in-all, it was fun, and nothing terrible happened. 

(I do not ride like this.  Not even close.)

no wine, no erin

Remember this post, where I talked about how shy I got at my horseback riding lessons, and how it actually makes me a worse rider?  And how I wanted to go to the Thursday night group lesson/wine drinking?  Well, I had planned on attending this week, which gave rise to this email exchange:

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From: Equestrian Center
To: Erin

SUBJ: Thursday Lesson

Due to school closures/religious observances we are moving lessons up.

The Thursday 6:30pm lesson will be at 3:30pm
Please let me know if you can/can not make it.


Thank You.
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From: Erin
To: Kathy
 
FWD: Thursday Lesson
 
I think I am going to say I have a conflict and go next week.  The point was more the hanging out, less the extra lesson, right?  No one is going to be drinking wine at 4 in the afternoon.
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From: Kathy
To: Erin
 
RE: FWD: Thursday Lesson
 
LOL. NO WINE NO ERIN.
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From: Erin
To: Equestrian Center

RE:  Thursday Lesson

I have a conflict at 3:30 but I will come the next week -- Oct 6 -- at 6:30. Thanks!

Erin
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From: Erin
To: Kathy
 
RE: FWD: Thursday Lesson
 
That's right!  NO WINE NO ERIN.  It's supposed to be FUN, right??
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shy

Today, I had a new teacher for my riding lessons.  The problem with this is that I felt really, really horribly shy in front of my new teacher.  When I feel shy, I want to curl into a ball.  When you curl into a ball, you can't control your horse.  When you can't control your horse, it's embarrassing.  When you get embarrassed, you want to curl into an even tinier ball.  Repeat. 

Horses are like people, in that if you ask them to do something in a meek, shy little voice filled with uncertainty, they just do whatever the hell they feel like doing at the time.  If you ask them to do something assertively, they do it.  Because I was so uncomfortable and uncertain, it was impossible to keep my back straight and actually ride the horse today.  So I basically regressed to the skill level of my first ever riding lesson.  Meanwhile I knew that all I had to do was have some confidence, and he would listen to me.  But as it was, he was in charge.  Not me.  Which made me keep thinking, "I bet they wonder what I am even doing here."  Which, in turn, further decreased my confidence and made me ride even worse.  Also, I lost my balance at one point and landed on the pommel in a really uncomfortable way, if you catch my drift.  So I have a nice painful reminder of how horribly I rode today.

back in the saddle (literally)

For my thirtieth birthday, Kathy got me a gift certificate for horseback riding lessons.  I had taken lessons when I was in middle school, and absolutely loved it, but not since then had I really been on a horse.  Today was my first lesson.

(My stylish riding outfit.  Yes, I am wearing my hat in the basement. 

If you think I did not try on my outfit three times before my lesson, you are mistaken.)

But, because I'm me, giving me the absolutely perfect birthday gift was not exactly easy on her.  So let's go back to the beginning, where I gracefully accepted this gift...