fringes

Not to be a complainer or anything, but I can't believe how much my back has hurt.  I went to the chiropractor, who told me that I had a back spasm.  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?  I had no idea all that pain could come from some muscle acting up.  I think, after some internet research (I know doctors love it when people do this) what is likely is that I strained a muscle, then proceeded to do an extremely vigorous workout, involving a lot of pushups and jumping around, which caused the strained muscle to spasm.  The result is that I could not lift anything, or sit down, or bend over, or basically participate in life, since 20 minutes out of every hour I had to lie on my stomach with a heating pad on my back. 


My family was supposed to go skiing this weekend.  Well, actually, my family did go skiing this weekend -- I just didn't.  I drove with them to a small, family resort-type place just outside of Pittsburgh (i.e., half the price of one of these fancy New England ski areas) and sat in the house.  Technically I did not sit, since I can't, but you know.  They all got up, got dressed, and went skiing without me.  I read The Vampire Lestat.  They came home, ruddy cheeked and exhausted.  I made dinner (something to DO!) while they collapsed in front of the football game.  I put the heating pad on my back, and five minutes later, every other person in my family was sleeping.  The next day, repeat, only I was feeling much better, so I was able to go for a walk and meet them for junk food lunch.  And they weren't so tired, so they played Yahtzee with me when they got home.  But basically, they had a ski weekend, while I watched.

I've never really been injured before.  I've never been the one who can't help pack the car, who needs help with even easy tasks, like picking socks up off the floor.  I live life hard, drawing as much as I can out of every second I am awake.  Being hurt, and having to rest, and ask for help, and stand on the sidelines, was much more difficult than I thought it would be.  I wanted to participate so much that I almost asked if we could ski Monday so that I could go, even though that would have been totally stupid and I probably would be lying around in agony right now, instead of being able to sit up long enough to write this.  Instead, I struggled to just let go, to let them have their fun and try to enjoy the fact that I could nap as many times as I wanted (three times on Saturday, thankyouverymuch) and have some time to myself to read and relax.

When I was feeling particularly sorry for myself, I tried to remember that at least for me, it is temporary.  In a few weeks, it will be over and I will be back to my old self, skiing with the family.