Friday, January 28, 2011

girls just wanna have fun

(one of the top 5 movies of all time)

A friend of mine from work is having a dinner party this weekend.  It's a "no boys allowed" dinner party.  Which, for most people, means they can't bring their significant other. 

Part of the reason that girls want the girls night is just that the dynamic of the group is different when it's just one sex.  The conversation can be very different.  But, on the other hand, part of the reason that girls have the girls' night out is that the dynamic of the group is different when no one's other half is there.  It's hard for me to complain about my relationship when she's sitting right next to me.

So, when it comes to the girls' night out, we are always stuck in the middle.  On the one hand, we are, in fact, both girls.  But on the other hand, we are, in fact, in a relationship.  So whenever girls' night out comes up (or girls' night in, in the case of a dinner party) we always have to sit down and try to figure out which kind of girls' night out it actually is.  This involves a complicated, multi-factor test.

Erin and Kathy's Girls' Night Out Test
  1. Does the other half know the other people in attendance, such that her presence would be natural?
  2. Was the other half invited?  This does not mean that I ask "Do you mind if Kathy comes?" and the planner says, "No, that's fine."  It means was the other half invited, unsolicited?
  3. Is this a group of people that likes to complain about their relationships, so that it would be awkward to have a couple in the group?
  4.  Is there anyone in the group that has trouble seeing us as a couple? (I.e., do they awkwardly refer to us as "roommates" or "friends" sometimes?  If so, we don't like to contribute to that perception.)
  5. Does the other half want to come?  Does the invitee want the other half to come?
Usually, factors 2 and 5 weigh the heaviest.  Generally, my view is that if the person planning the party/outing invites Kathy, she's welcome.  If not, then not.  This goes to the comfort of the group.  The other factors tend to go toward our comfort, which is why factor 5 weighs the heaviest.

So, back to our dinner party. 
  1. Kathy knows (and knows well) all of the other ladies in attendance.  Some of them she has known longer than I have. 
  2. Kathy was invited, unsolicited, by the hostess.  As in, the hostess sent me an email that said "bring kathy!!"  The two exclamation points convinced me of the sincerity of the invite.  :-)
  3. This is a group of people that likes to complain about their jobs, not their relationships.  And since Kathy has the same job, she fits right in with that.
  4. No heterosexist heterosexuals here. 
  5. Kathy wants to come, and I want her to come.  Especially since this is our last night together before Kathy goes to London on business for a week (insert lots of frowning, lonely faces here).
Since all the factors weigh in favor of Kathy coming, she is.  Here's to a fun girls' night in, lesbian-style.

two woman holding hands
(stock photo from a review of a book that I now want to get for the oldest kid)

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