Wednesday, January 5, 2011

What came first: the music, or the misery?

People worry about kids playing with guns, or watching violent videos, that some sort of culture of
violence will take them over. Nobody worries about kids listening to thousands, literally thousands
of songs about heartbreak, rejection, pain, misery and loss. Did I listen to pop music because I
was miserable? Or was I miserable because I listened to pop music? - High Fidelity

This morning, I had a horrible realization.  It is possible, as I have been saying, that I am miserable because I hate working in Biglaw.  But it is also possible that I hate working in Biglaw because I'm miserable.  Maybe it has everything to do with my temperament, and nothing to do with my job.  Maybe I would hate any job that I had.  It's not like I was all sunshine and smiles when I was working at the jewelry counter of a department store before I went to law school. 

I've raised this issue with both Kathy and a close friend today.  They both had the same reaction.  Who cares?  Whether the job is making me miserable or I'm miserable so I hate the job, the cycle has to be broken.  Something's gotta give.  And so, since I can't just not be miserable anymore, it looks like the job is what gives.

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