Tuesday, December 6, 2011

thongs: the great underwear debate

A few nights ago, there was a collection of our suburban friends drinking copious amounts of alcohol in our kitchen.  We call ourselves the Misfits, ostensibly because we're all divorced, but really for reasons we don't like to talk articulate (e.g., one friend has a rather crazy ex-husband who trash-talked her all over the place; Kathy and I are, well, two of four lesbians in our town -- which we know because we have been asked if we know the "other" lesbians.  Etc.).

Anyway, for a reason that I can't quite remember, it came to the attention of these friends that one of us was wearing... um, white cotton Hanes underwear (the kind which you can buy in a 3 pack at the drugstore).  Kathy and I both have them.  We refer to them as our "running underwear," since that is kind of why we bought them.  You want something comfortable and breathable when exercising, right?  This HORRIFIED our straight suburban friends.  Apparently, we are supposed to be wearing thongs.  At all times.

"But not when you run!" I protested.

"Especially when you run," the only other runner in the group informed us.  "Those tight running pants show your underwear lines!"

"But you're RUNNING.  Who sees your underwear lines?"  I wailed.  "If people can see your bum that closely, you should be less worried about your underwear and more worried about your running pace." 

According to her, that's not the point.

(acceptable underwear, from an acceptable store)

I argued that you can have sexy underwear that covers your butt.  No, no, no, not true! they said.  Especially not if you buy it from Target.  We have one friend who apparently does not even wear underwear at all.  I don't know what to do with this information, except that assume she must have to wash her jeans really frequently.

How have I missed this?  I own exactly two pairs of thong underwear, which I avoid wearing at all costs.  So it left me to wonder -- is the thong underwear a straight-woman thing?  A suburban woman thing?  Am I really so prudish and un-sexy?  Is everyone else out there running around in thongs all the time -- except for me???  I always thought thong underwear was kind of unflattering on all but the firmest of bums.  I now learn that this, apparently, is not the case -- at least to the straight, 40-something men that our friends date (two of whom weighed in during this conversation's later stages).

At any rate, I am not racing out to buy thong underwear.  I still think underwear can be sexy even when your butt is safely and comfortably covered in fabric.  And there is something to be said for feeling attractive in your undergarments -- which I, in a thong, decidedly do not.  In the name of keeping the romance alive, however, I will rethink wearing the "running underwear" on a day where I do not actually go running.

1 comment:

  1. This is awesome and in look forward to weighing in next time I see you and KB.