Monday, April 11, 2011



Today was the kind of day I quit my job for.  It was 80 degrees and sunny -- that unusually warm day that always seems to occur in early April and then not again until late May, or even June.  And yet.

I went for a run in the sunshine, and my legs felt like lead and my lungs felt like I was underwater.  I cut some forsythia from a bush in the backyard, and put them in a vase inside, and did other yard work.  I cleaned out the car, which I had been meaning to do for ages.  But at the end of the day, it felt like something was missing.

I once read on a greeting card or something that happiness is not having nothing to do, it's having lots to do and not doing it.  Maybe that is the reason for my vague feeling of dissatisfaction at the end of the day today.  I'm cranky and irritable, and pretty much everyone around me is on my nerves.  I don't know why.

I realize that not every employment-free day will be wonderful, but today I did exactly what I wanted, and I'm unhappy.  I feel sort of cut-off from the rest of the world, but incapable of doing the things that I am pretty sure will help, like calling someone or even checking my email.  The thought of calling my mother to ask her a question about a W-2, which I promised Kathy I would do, gives me a sinking feeling.  Frankly, sitting down to write this took just about everything in me. 

Hopefully, this feeling will pass, hm? 


  1. "Well," said Pooh, "what I like best," and then he had to stop and think. Because although Eating Honey was a very good thing to do, there was a moment just before you began to eat it which was better than when you were, but he didn't know what it was called. ~A.A. Milne

    I love anticipating change. It makes me hopeful and happy. Each time though the change itself has required a period of adjustment. Trust that you have made the right decision. Your feelings will pass. Everything does.

  2. I love this comment, because HOW DID YOU KNOW that about 35 seconds after posting this, I was wailing "What if I made a horrible mistake?" Of course, I don't really think I did. Today, miserable and rainy, with a trip to the grocery store and a million other errands (including paying our taxes), was actually a much better day.

    It is surprising that we don't seem to remember the "this is it?" feeling that often seems to accompany a major change.