Today was the kind of day I quit my job for. It was 80 degrees and sunny -- that unusually warm day that always seems to occur in early April and then not again until late May, or even June. And yet.
I went for a run in the sunshine, and my legs felt like lead and my lungs felt like I was underwater. I cut some forsythia from a bush in the backyard, and put them in a vase inside, and did other yard work. I cleaned out the car, which I had been meaning to do for ages. But at the end of the day, it felt like something was missing.
I once read on a greeting card or something that happiness is not having nothing to do, it's having lots to do and not doing it. Maybe that is the reason for my vague feeling of dissatisfaction at the end of the day today. I'm cranky and irritable, and pretty much everyone around me is on my nerves. I don't know why.
I realize that not every employment-free day will be wonderful, but today I did exactly what I wanted, and I'm unhappy. I feel sort of cut-off from the rest of the world, but incapable of doing the things that I am pretty sure will help, like calling someone or even checking my email. The thought of calling my mother to ask her a question about a W-2, which I promised Kathy I would do, gives me a sinking feeling. Frankly, sitting down to write this took just about everything in me.